A Note to the Little, Gay, Asian Man in the Gym:

Dear Gay Little Asian Man,

Please refrain from continually choosing to stretch inappropriately a mere 3 inches away from me while in the stretching room in the gym. I do not enjoy seeing your icky, gangly man thighs as a result of your all too-short purple shorts, which you still choose to wear every single day. I only hope you wash them just as much. And although I respect your decision to wear your gayness loud and proud, the Obama rainbow shirt has got to go. It is too short and too tight. P.S. Obama won, so shove it. I would also appreciate it if you would cease from doing headstands in the middle of the room while talking on your iphone. We are not in your native country and therefore do not condone doing weird-ass poses in public places (such as the individuals located on the grassy knoll at Pike Place Market do . . . on second thought, maybe you should just ditch the gym membership, as all you seem to be doing there is stretching your body where it need not be stretched, and join them instead?). Additionally, I take offense to the fact that you think it is perfectly natural and acceptable to spread eagle your legs up against the public mirror while lying on your back on the gym floor. Nobody wants to see that. Put it away, you're not that flexible anyway.

Needless to say, I can only assume that you are one of those people who thinks exposed, full-out nudity is okay in the gym locker room. I also have a HUGE issue with your type of people. I am making a plea for the gentlemen being exposed to the uglier parts of you to STOP IT! Hairy ass cracks, sagging skin, and cottage cheese in places where it most definitely should NOT be are all things people will vomit upon once they are exposed to it. Just because you are with "your type" and you all have the "same parts", it is still gross to be greeted with an ass wave upon entry to the room. I won't be hypocritical here . . . the same goes for women. I do not enjoy looking at your man thighs anymore than I enjoy turning away from my locker to see the hairy creature growing between the I'm-so-free-and-natural girl's legs. I think it would be best for all involved if you and everyone else, practiced a bit more modesty . . . if not for the sake of keeping everyone from vomiting all over the place.

Love,
Elise