I Don't Believe in Yoga

Because it is slow, boring, and ridiculously dark inside the room. Not to mention that most people who partake in yoga are pretentious bitches who walk around with their stupid mats and what is supposedly their super-slimming, icky looking drink of wheat grass and whey protein with a look on their face that says, "I don't have to walk around the gym with shoes on because I'm on my way to do yoooooooooooga (pronounce as though Stewie from 'Family Guy' is saying it)." Believe me, I'm a fan of staying in shape, however what I am NOT a fan of is a lady standing at the front of the room who is not nearly in as good of shape as she should be, telling me to morph myself into a hideously painful looking position, all the while trying to remain on one foot. I absolutely CANNOT take instruction from someone who claims to be an avid gym-goer but does not convey such in body shape. There was once a girl on my dance team in college who was on the heavier side (yeah, yeah props to her for joining, blah . . blah . . blah) and thought she was the shit (which is why I am allowed to hate and bitch about her). She actually LEAD us in sit-ups multiple times in practice and I refused to follow her instruction. Her mid-section was total flab. WHY in God's name would I want to do what you're doing if you fricken look like THAT?! No thank you. So I did my own sit-ups. MY WAY.

Anyway, actual yoga go-ers are people that mix this form of strengthening with lifting, cardio, and weight training. However, I think the vast majority of people who go to yoga consist of individuals that are too lazy to get their ass in gear for 30 minutes on the eliptical and instead are convinced that lunging in one position for a good two minutes will conceivably burn just as many calories. Not true people. If you really want to lose weight and tone up, follow yoga up with weights and cardio- then you'll stop wondering why the F your body still looks like crap. Also- I bet you Tyra Banks does yoga. And Tyra is in my 'Top Five List of People I Absolutely Hate.' So there again is another justification of why yoga is stupid.

P.S. For those who have read the 'Dear Little Gay Asian Man' post in the past, he DOES still go to my gym and just yesterday was doing a headstand in little orange shorts when I walked into the stretching room. BARF.