Thursday, January 13, 2011

Elevator Whores

So I'm not even going to apologize for the fact that I haven't written in ages . . . you know how the holidays are. Mine were that times 10. Going home to California is lovely for the holidays but every day is jam packed with family, food, and drinks (Hallelujah!). Luckily I had my dear cat, Missy, to keep me sane. I so wish I could bring her up to Seattle but alas, my new apartment "does not prefer pets" and she has been raised as mostly an outdoor cat anyway (with the exception of when I come home and constantly let her into the house, therefore allowing my dad to scold me for having done so. He really loves her (i think?) but she's a total attention whore and meows like no other.). I think some background on Missy is necessary- for starters my family rescued her when she was just a kitten from our next door neighbor who found her in an alley. My sister diligently picked fleas off her entire body (yuck!), which I think she rather enjoyed. Originally, Missy earned her keep by killing mice and rats that sometimes surrounded our house as a result of living in mountainous suburbia. My parents often woke up to find little presents of fur balls and feathers (sadly, Missy sometimes attacked precious birds) scattered around their balcony outside their bedroom. I think she was proud of her kills and this continued for quite some time. Eventually however, Missy learned that she didn't need to kill things in order to stay at our house. And that she would get fed regardless of if she brought home furry friends or not. Therefore, she's become a little bit needy and selfish but i still love her to pieces (duh). Also, Missy is a little gender-confused. When we found her, nobody could tell if she was a boy or girl. We figured that since nothing was "showing"- it meant she was a girl. So we slapped a pink collar on her and my mom started calling her Missy. Whooooops! We soon learned that she was a boy, due to two little developments that formed near her rear end. We said "to hell with it" and still referred to her as Missy because that's what we'd been calling her since the beginning. Both my dad and boyfriend HATE that we taint the cat's masculinity by calling him Missy but oh well. For reference: here is a photo of my gender-confused cat:


Okay- back to the reason for the post. Though you have to admit that 'Missy' could be a post on its own :) The elevator whores . . . oh boy, here we go. Okay, remember how I wrote that post about the people on buses who crowd to the front of a moving bus in an effort to make sure they are let off? I think the elevator whores come from the same family of people. These individuals in particular possess traits such as, but not limited to:

1. Pushing the already lit elevator call button multiple times in a row (as if that will make it come any faster)
2. Crowd to the very front of the elevator door in an effort to retain a spot on the next ride
3. Run into people coming off the elevator in an attempt to get on before the doors shut in their face
4. Huff and puff incredulously at the 'slowness' of the elevator
5. Possessing smugness or pompousness of the face, thereby airing a sense of entitlement, as if they should be the ones allowed on the elevator first.

Much like the bus mongers, these people SUCK too. Need I remind you that everyone standing around you also wishes (and needs to) ride the elevator?! Also- I'm sure the person getting off the elevator has no desire to run into you with your hot cup of coffee in hand. Do us all a favor and wait to the side of the elevator prior to it opening so that others can get off before you stand your pompous ass in there. You aren't the only one who has to get to work on time.